52 Thoughts I Had About Episode 5 of ‘The Shards’

From a young age, I dreamed of a career reviewing shows from the Ryan Murphy industrial complex, and as Anne Hathaway famously said at the 2023 Oscars, that dream has come true! This week's episode of The Shards, titled “Murder on the Dancefloor,” was co-written and directed by Murphy himself, setting my expectations high for some thrilling, spectacular, and classic Murphy chaos. Below are all the thoughts that crossed my mind while watching Episode 5 of The Shards.

1. I'm incredibly grateful to be watching this show with my AirPods at LAX, rather than alone in my apartment at night.
2. This is genuinely scary, folks!
3. "Disco? Dead."
4. Was the term "fluidity" even used in the 1980s?
5. Or at all, for that matter, especially regarding gender?
6. And similarly, did the concept of "being in your body" exist then?
7. Okay, Igby Rigby (or whatever unusual name his parents gave him) is a talented dancer!
8. I have a fondness for the age-old concept of the rhythmically challenged straight guy's "pocket dancing."
9. I miss the era of feathered hair.
10. Should we make a comeback for this hairstyle?
11. “Pastels are the future of 1980s fashion.”
12. Referring to women working the Sears counter as “pug dogs”…
13. Ah, the thrill of facing off in a dance competition against a girl named Cha-Cha.
14. I adore the distinctive way Jordan Roth's character, Steven, pronounces "Pico."
15. Everything Susan and Debbie wear looks like something I'd splurge on at a vintage store in Los Angeles in 2026.
16. As always, the music selection in this show is impeccable.
17. Ah, the studio-lot scene.
18. Presumably, this is an economical choice for filming.
19. Pregnant Barbie (or rather, Midge) erasure!
20. My goodness, Wes Bentley's perm!
21. That was an expression of rueful dismay, not enthusiasm.
22. This is strongly reminiscent of that Friends episode where Monica, Ross, and Joey participate in a televised dance competition on New Year's Eve.
23. So much cocaine!
24. My generation missed out on that.
25. “Hi, I’m Bret, I love Joan Didion and aspire to be a writer.”
26. A common sentiment.
27. I'm captivated by Susan's ambition to pursue a career in the "legal arts."
28. I desperately want Susan's pink jumpsuit.
29. Perhaps the fringes of Debbie's group offer the safest haven?
30. Debra Winger gets a mention!
31. Cha-Cha drama unfolds!
32. Liz voting against her own daughter in the dance-off… I admire her.
33. And it's perfectly contrasted by her unpleasant husband voting for Debbie!
34. Now that I recall, what's the situation with Ivy Wolk in that cage?
35. Will we receive any updates on that storyline?
36. I appreciate how Thom's pink cable-knit sweater perfectly matches this pink wall.
37. Dancing is famously associated with making people gay.
38. No one has ever genuinely used the phrase "too cool for school."
39. Oh no, the killer… called into the dance contest?
40. To commit murder?
41. Live on air?
42. AAAAAH!!!!
43. Homer and Kaia truly possess undeniable chemistry.
44. Calm yourself, Thom.
45. Eat the donut, Debbie! Embrace what your body loves!
46. Having briefly worked in TV production has changed my perspective; now, when I see streamers falling in a scene, I only think about the crew who had to spend hours cleaning them up.
47. A night out with some Depeche Mode sounds delightful.
48. OMG! It's Ivy!
49. I mean, Rhonda!
50. And it appears she's… not doing well.
51. Her delivery of the line, “Did I miss the party?” is exceptionally Wolkian.
52. Get well soon, diva.